My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
this will be a night to untag.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
