Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
