Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
