i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
