Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
