ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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