Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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