Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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