Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
