Non-Jews are for practice
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
