Your dad touched me again.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
