hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
