I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
