Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
