After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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