Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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