Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
