i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
