i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
