somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
