Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
