Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We named our party play list daddy issues
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
