did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
