Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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