I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
