Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
