i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
