R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
