let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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