i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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