i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
