remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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