my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
