During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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