i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
