2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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