Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
