Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
