JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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