youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
