Whod you bang
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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