you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
