You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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