dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
