Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
so much tequila, so little girl.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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