it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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