from now on my penis is your penis
i wish my penis had a tongue
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
