why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
