My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
