Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
