paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
