now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
