The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
